What It's Like

One of the confusing things about faceblindness is its subtle nature, and the fact that those who were born with it learn to compensate for it in various ways. In fact, we may compensate well enough to pass as nearly normal, perhaps seeming only a bit absent-minded or forgetful. Many of us don't realize we actually have a problem.

When I meet someone, I look at his hair style, his mannerisms, his body type, coloring, whether they wear glasses, jewelry, or other distinctive items. I listen carefully to his voice and note how they walk or move around. I use all the clues I can. In general I am looking for unusual or distinctive features.

Another helpful clue is location. A tall, blonde man with short hair is my boss at work, and the cook at a familiar restaurant. If they were to swap jobs, I probably would not realize it.

Women are easier for me to recognize than men, mostly because women have much more variety in their grooming and dress. Men tend to have shorter hair with fewer ways of arranging it. They tend to wear shirt and pants, maybe a suit or sport coat. In a business you are likely to encounter many men with short, brownish hair, wearing a shirt and pants.

Women have more options. They style their hair in many different ways, wear slacks, dresses, suits, and other outfits, and often wear favorite pieces of jewelry. That makes them much more distinctive. Unfortunately this sometimes backfires, since many women make changes in their hairstyles or other grooming, utterly confusing me.

The use of non-facial cues works both ways. While I often confuse people who have similar body types, mannerisms, etc., but whose faces are different, I also can sometimes easily distinguish people whose faces are similar. Whereas most people might be looking at the faces and being confused by the similarities, I am as likely to be using mannerisms, hairstyle, tone of voice, body type, gait, and other clues to help me.

I've often found it easier than others to distinguish twins, because of their differing traits (other than facial). The very similarity that confuses others is meaningless to me, so I use the other cues people often overlook.

Being faceblind does have some serious impacts on a person's social life. I have occasionally introduced myself several times to the same person. This does not usually have a favorable response. People don't understand that I simply don't recognize them - it's inconceivable to most people. They consider me rude or incredibly stupid or forgetful.

Much more often I meet people somewhere, and then fail to acknowledge them again when I run into them elsewhere. This is considered a serious snub by most. I may chat with someone for hours one day, and then walk past them without even a glimmer of recognition. Such behavior is generally considered rude, a most offensive snub. No doubt many consider me to be quite a snob.

Explanations are useless. First, I very rarely even know I've snubbed someone. I simply don't recognize them, so I walk on in blissful ignorance. Only when I do this with my mother or other family member am I likely to get feedback about it. New-found acquaintances are not going to bother chasing me down for an explanation. They'll shrug me off as a jerk and go on with their lives.

Overall, I would say that faceblind people tend to have fewer friends and acquaintances than most others, because of this problem. It would take considerable luck or an unusually understanding person to overcome the seeming snobbishness.

I have only a handful of friends. All of them are distinctive-looking. One is exceptionally short. One is rather tall (for a woman) and has striking white hair. One wears very flamboyant jewelry and clothing. One was particularly large. Each of them has some easily-identified features that sets them apart.

This wasn't deliberate. What likely happened was, the people I had trouble distinguishing, the ones whose features were more commonplace, probably felt slighted by my failure to recognize them, and drifted away. The people who were of average height, weight, dress, and hairstyle probably got lost in the shuffle, or I passed them by too many times. The ones with some outstanding feature were much more likely to survive the introduction period, since I'd recognize their unique traits and speak to them.